I don’t know if you are a Christian, so I don’t think you will understand my perspective, but I thought you might appreciate it anyway because I know you are lost and hurting and you have a big decision to make and your mind is overwhelmed from shock and denial now. Let me just say, that you don’t have to make a decision at all right away, this is huge and it will effect so many people, you have the right to take as long as you want to make this decision, there is no rush, you can even take a year or two to make it if you want. For now, I advise you to wait and don’t decide. The main reason I’m saying that is because your brain is not working correctly, it is under a lot of stress, grief and shock and that is not the best situation to make a decision like divorce.
Second, I would like to share with you the Christian perspective on adultery. God HATES adultery, He hates it with a passion, no one deserves to be cheated on, no one deserves to be treated so awful, no one deserves to have that sort of pain inflicted on them. Adultery is evil and it is sin, there is NO excuse for it. Also, it is not your fault! It is not your fault because he is the one who chose to sin, you were not there to help make this wrong decision, you were left in the dark about it, he hid it from you. There may have been some contributing factors in your marriage to make him want to sin, but ultimately it was his decision to choose wrong. You cannot make him choose you over another woman, he has free will to choose whatever he wants. I repeat, It is NOT your fault, because a lot of people will tell you it is your fault, but they are wrong!
Third, even though adultery is awful, God sent His son Jesus to die for our sin. Jesus’ death was a horrible bloody crucifixion on the cross, Jesus never sinned and He did not deserve to die, but He did it anyway, so that sinners could accept His death as their own and be saved from their sins and from Hell. Adultery is forgivable in the Christian community! I know you don’t feel like forgiving your husband now, and you don’t have to. God does not expect us to forgive like this on our own, He always gives us help to forgive the unforgivable and He will do it in His own time, not ours.
Fourth, people will tell you that if you forgive your husband and take him back that you are being “too nice”. Well, for a Christian there is no such thing as “too nice” in a marriage and the reason for this is that the purpose of marriage is not about falling in love or about being loved. The purpose of marriage is to reflect Christ’s relationship with the church to the world and Christ never ever leaves the church. He loves and forgives the church regardless of our sin, the church is His bride and as long as Christ is connected to the church, we are not allowed to divorce. God even goes as far as saying that “what he has joined together, let no man separate.” Man (or woman) does not have the authority under Christ’s laws to separate a marriage because two have come together and become one. Christians are commanded to stay married and if our husband leaves us, we are not to even remarry because we are supposed to wait and see if he will come back to us. We are only finally allowed to remarry if our husband dies. This is because even though we are divorced, we are still with them, we are still married because man does not have the authority to divorce.
I know Christians divorce and are hypocrites and are not doing a good job of being an example to you. We mess marriage up all the time and we mess up with God all the time too, however; God still forgives us and takes us back with willing arms because we are His bride and He will never ever leave us, no matter how bad we mess up. Even if you decide you can’t handle forgiving and you can’t bear to be with your husband anymore, God will take you in and He will love you because ultimately it is not about you, your sin, or your husband’s sin. It is about God loving you (or your husband) no matter what.
Finally, don’t take him back unless he is willing to change and work on your marriage. If he wants to keep a mistress and a wife, or if he wants to continue cheating while staying married to you, that cannot work. Do not accept it. It takes two people to make a marriage work. But it is okay to sit on the sidelines and wait for him to come to this decision and let him know that you are there.
So, my prayer for you is that you wait to make this huge decision. I pray that God gives you peace for your heart, that He guides you, that He brings your husband to his senses and brings him back to you and your family where he belongs. I pray that God will restore your family to a place of healing and hope that you have never known or seen before. There is hope, there is always hope. Amen
Romans 3:23″For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
We are all sinners, none of us are good. None! We can never meet the standard of perfection that God has for us.
Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
Since we are sinners, we deserve death. That is the only fair and just consequence for our actions.
Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
God loves us so much, that He sent His only son to die on our behalf so we wouldn’t have to. It is a free gift for us to accept, but it is not ours unless we accept it.
Romans 10:9, “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”
To accept God’s free gift, we must say with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that He died and was raised from the dead.
Romans 8:1 teaches us, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
We will not be judged by God for our sins, Jesus took our punishment for us.
Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Nothing, NOTHING, can separate us from the love of God. Not sin, not anything! God will always love us.
If you would like to become a Christian, here is a prayer for you that you can pray.
Dear Lord,
I am a sinner, I am not good. I accept the free gift of Jesus Christ that you have given me. Please forgive all of my sins. Help me to follow and love you in everything that I do.
Amen
About Me
My prayer is that God works here to show his unending grace and love to ALL His children in however way He sees fit. Dear Lord, please use me, help them to see You and not me.
I’m 34 years old, I have three wonderful daughters and I live in the Midwest. I am a stay-at-home mom and I homeschool. I believe in reformed theology. I love running, playing guitar, blogs, drinking coffee with friends and spending time with God.
http://passionatechristianmarriage.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/a-letter-to-my-friend-whos-husband-is-cheating/
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