Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD
WebMD Feature
You're ready to meet someone new. Heading to the local bar doesn't appeal. Friends have no one to suggest. So you're thinking about trying online dating.
For many people these days, the better option is online dating, says Fran Walfish, PhD, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. "Online is the faster, most accessible place," she says. "Many couples have found each other through online dating sites."
Online dating offers a large pool of candidates that you can "meet" from the comfort of your home, notes Terri Orbuch, PhD, a relationship therapist in West Bloomfield, Mich. "It's really convenient, and it opens you up to a wide-open world of potential matches," Orbuch tells WebMD.
The New Singles' Bar
While many people still meet their partners through friends and family, at work, or at parties and bars, online dating has become an increasingly acceptable and popular way to meet prospective dates.
According to Online Dating Magazine, 20% of Americans have gone out on a date with someone they met online. Every year, more than 280,000 marry someone they met that way.
Online dating has also become big business. One survey found that Americans are spending nearly a billion dollars for online dating services.
And it's not just for the young and tech savvy. Adults of all ages are giving it a try. Research shows it may be just as popular with older adults.
What to Know First
Online dating isn't for the faint of heart. It can take some courage to put your information and photo out there -- and often, some money to enroll. A little luck doesn't hurt, either. Here's what you need to know:
- Decide how much control you want. Some sites, such as eHarmony, will suggest potential partners for you. Others, such as Match, let you decide. "It's more a personal preference," Orbuch says. "A site that gives you matches might be good for someone consistently attracted to the wrong person." If you prefer having control over your choices, or know which qualities will or won't suit you, you might prefer sites that let you choose whom to contact.
- Check the costs. Some sites, like OKCupid and PlentyofFish, are free. But others might cost as much as $60 a month.
- Don't ignore the smaller sites. "Smaller niches with your interests are usually better because they don't have quite as much of the 'meat market' feel," says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist in New York City and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. "If you're in a niche that focuses on common interests, you're more likely to get people you can actually relate to."
- Create a compelling but honest profile. As tempting as it may be, don't lie about your background or personality when you write your profile. "Honesty shows confidence and integrity," Orbuch says. "Those are qualities all people are looking for. Somewhere down the line, the lie will come back to hurt you."
- Avoid disclosing too much at once. Gradually reveal details as you get to know someone. And don't post photos that are overly sexy.
- Guard your privacy. Never give out personal information or send money to anyone, Orbuch says. And follow your instincts: If you get a bad vibe, steer clear.
- Expect some dishonesty. "Online dating is advertising, rather than making a connection, and advertising is full of falsehood and exaggeration," Tessina says. "You can expect them to present the best picture they can, and to shave years off their age and pounds off their weight."
- Be prepared to reject and be rejected. "Don't take a 'No' response from others personally," Orbuch says. "It probably doesn't have anything to do with you. They could want someone who is a different age or lives in a different region. At the same time, feel free to say no to people you don't want to meet."
- Narrow your focus. Online dating can be a real time-saver if you know exactly what you want, Walfish says. For instance, if you don't want a ready-made family, then you can immediately remove someone with children from consideration. "It helps you sift through the overwhelming numbers and narrow it down to the few you'd like to meet," Walfish says.
- Google your potential dates. Don't hesitate to search someone's name on Google or social media such as Facebook or Twitter. "You can learn a lot," Tessina says. "Often, people will put pictures on Facebook that look a lot different from the online dating photo. You'll also learn about what interests them and who their friends are."
- Play it safe. Use your first name only and give personal details only after you've gotten to know each other well, Orbuch says. Always drive yourself, and meet in a public place like a coffee shop or bookstore. "If your date hasn't met any of your friends or family, you shouldn't meet him in a private location," Orbuch says. "Tell a friend where you are going, with whom, and when you expect to be back." And make sure to stay sober.
Did You Meet Someone Special?
If you find a keeper, you don't have to hide how you met when you tell other people. As online dating has gotten more popular, it's become more accepted.
"There's nothing wrong with online dating," Tessina says. "It can make a cute story, when you're finally in a great relationship."
__________________________
Laura J. Martin, MD, MPH
Laura J. Martin, MD, MPH, is a medical editor for WebMD who is responsible for reviewing WebMD news and feature stories to ensure their medical accuracy. She has many years of experience in the practice of both inpatient and outpatient internal medicine. She has served as a medical educator in the fields of general internal medicine, palliative care, and medical ethics.
She obtained her master's degree in public health at Tulane University, followed by her medical degree at Louisiana State University Medical School in New Orleans. Martin completed her residency in internal medicine at Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta. She practiced general internal medicine in a private practice setting in Fort Walton Beach, Fla., for several years before returning to Atlanta, where she practiced academic medicine at Emory University for more than 10 years.
While at Emory University, Martin developed an ambulatory medicine curriculum and served as coordinator of ambulatory medicine conferences. She is co-editor of the medical textbook Ambulatory Medicine Casebook. She has developed and taught a curriculum in alternative medicine for Emory students.
Martin has completed the Program in Palliative Care Education & Practice at Harvard Medical School and has served as a co-director of palliative care at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta. She is board-eligible in palliative care.
Additionally, Martin has served as a fellow of medical ethics. She participated in teaching a medical ethics curriculum and served for several years on the medical ethics committee at Grady Memorial Hospital.
She is board-certified in internal medicine and is a member of the American College of Physicians and the Society of General Internal Medicine.
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