I had unprotected sex before I met my current partner. I’m the first and the only partner of the person I’m with now. I recently went to a clinic to get myself tested and I have no STDs. If my partner and I just stick with each other (for sexual pleasure), can we still get an STD through unprotected intercourse or through unprotected oral sex?
ANSWERED BY
LINDA LESONDAK, PHD
LINDA LESONDAK, PHD
A: First, I commend you for your concern about your health...and your partner’s health. I’ll do my best to answer your questions about safer sex and STD prevention.
If you and your partner are mutually monogamous, do you need to use protection during sexual activity? That depends on what tests you received and when.
Timing is everything. Depending on how soon your got tested after your unprotected sexual encounter, you may need to get tested again. Why? Because every STD has a “testing window,” or the period of time between possible exposure to an infection, and detection of the infection through a blood or urine test.
For example, if you did get an STD from a past sexual partner, you probably wouldn't test positive for it right away. For example, for the most accurate HIV test results, it is recommended to wait at least three months (12 weeks) after possible exposure to the virus. Herpes simplex virus, on the other hand, can usually be detected after about four weeks. Please see our STD Testing Windows Guide for more information about when to get tested for common STDs.
Do you know which STDs you got tested for? For example, if you’re a woman and you received a Pap test from your gynecologist, that only screens for abnormalities caused by human papillomavirus (HPV). Most doctors don’t automatically test for STDs so you may need to be vocal about what tests you want. Other common STDs that can be transmitted during unprotected sex include herpes 1 & 2, chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, HIV, trichomoniasis, syphilis and HPV.
If you test negative for all these STDs and you and your partner trust each other to have sex only with each other, unprotected sex doesn’t carry a high risk of spreading STDs.
Should your partner get tested, too? You mention that you are your partner’s first and only sex partner. However, remember that STDs can be spread through oral and anal sex, as well as genital rubbing (or dry humping), and – in some cases – skin-to-skin contact. And if either of you have an oral herpes infection (cold sores) it can be possible to transmit the oral infection to the genitals of your partner by oral sex. So while your partner may not have had vaginal sex before you, I encourage you to have an open conversation with your partner about other types of sexual activity that might have occurred...possibly putting your partner at risk for STDs, too.
To be on the safe side, a thorough STD screening for the most common STDs may be a good idea depending on your personal STD risk factors.
For more information about STD risk, prevention and testing, I encourage you to browse our Expert Guide to STD Basics.
Thanks again for writing, and I wish you and your partner good health!
Dr. Lesondak is a Community Psychologist with the Chicago Department of Public Health. Her areas of expertise include STDs, HIV, preventive care, public health and community planning, as well as human sexuality and women’s health. Dr. Lesondak was educated at Georgia University in Atlanta.
http://www.sexualhealth.com/is-it-possible-to-get-stds-in-a-monogamous-relationship_question_56/
What is an STD?
A sexually transmitted disease (STD) is an infectious illness that is transmitted through unprotected sexual activity...including vaginal, anal and oral sex, or skin-to-skin contact with an infected area. STDs can also be spread via skin-to-skin contact or through intravenous (IV) drug use, and can be passed to an unborn child during pregnancy or through breastfeeding.
STDs are caused by some 30 viruses, bacteria and parasites that survive and spread through sexual contact. STDs have been around for hundreds of years and most people will experience an infection during their lifetime...the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate 19 million new cases every year, which presents a major public health challenge. Indeed, untreated STDs are estimated to cause at least 24,000 women to become infertile every year.
STDs vs. STIs
Diseases that are passed from person to person through sexual activity are sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). "Disease" implies a clear medical problem, usually with obvious signs or symptoms. But some common STDs are asymptomatic; in these cases, the sexually transmitted virus or bacteria can be described as causing a sexually transmitted infection (STI), which may or may not evolve into a "disease." Because "STD" is preferred by most people, we generally use that term for both sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
Lisa Oldson, MD
MEDICAL DIRECTOR, ANALYTE PHYSICIANS GROUP
http://www.sexualhealth.com/what-is-an-std/“The first thing I tell a patient about STDs is that if you're worried about one STD, you should probably worry about all STDs. In other words, if you had unprotected sex and you're worried about a possible HIV exposure, it's important to understand that hepatitis can be spread in the same fashion...ditto for chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes and syphilis.”
Can I get an STD from having sex with a virgin?
By Elizabeth Boskey, Ph.D., About.com Guide
Answer: Yes, you can get an STD from having sex with a virgin. Even if it is a virgin's first time having vaginal intercourse, it doesn't mean that they have never been exposed to an STD. Many individuals consider themselves to be virgins even if they've had oral sex and anal sex — both of which are risk factors for acquiring an STD. This is, in fact, one of the main problems with virginity pledges, and it's why they are not a particularly useful tool in a sex educator's arsenal.
Even if a person has never had any sexual contact, it is possible that they may have been exposed to an STD. Many individuals acquire oral herpes through casual affection with their family members. Other people are exposed to their mothers' STDs during pregnancy or birth. It is also possible to become infected with diseases, such as HIV, through nonsexual risk behaviors, such as injection drug use.
Although relative sexual inexperience does make it less likely that a person will have an STD, don't assume that just because someone says they're a virgin that you are not taking a risk. It's still important to practice safe sex, if for no other reason than it's a good life-saving habit. Furthermore, what about putting your partner at risk? Contrary to some popular myths, people can get pregnant the first time they have sex, and sleeping with a virgin won't cure your HIV or other STDs.
When it comes to sex, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Elizabeth Boskey, Ph.D.
Elizabeth Boskey is a researcher, writer, and educator passionate about the study of sexually transmitted diseases. Her extensive knowledge of the biology of STDs, as well as the social and personal issues associated with STD infection, makes her an ideal resource for information about all the ways that STDs can affect your health.
Experience:
Elizabeth is currently a part-time assistant professor in the Master's of Public Health program at SUNY Downstate, where she teaches the graduate course in Human Sexual Behavior. She has published several research papers in the field of reproduction, is co-author of the Invision Guide to Sexual Health, contributed to the 2010 edition of The Truth About Rape, and regularly writes articles about sexual health for the SexIs online magazine. She is also the author ofAmerica Debates: Genetic Testing and currently serves on the editorial board of the American Journal of Sexuality Education.
Education:
Elizabeth received her Ph.D. in Biophysics from the Mucosal Protection Lab at Johns Hopkins University in 2000. In 2001, she completed her Master's in Public Health at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health with a focus on population and family health sciences. Dr. Boskey is proud to be a Certified Health Education Specialist and an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator. She is also a member of the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals and the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT).
From Elizabeth Boskey, Ph.D.:
My first experience teaching people about sexually transmitted diseases and safer sex was when I was in college. I was a peer educator with the AIDS education group, and I loved not just writing and performing sketches, but talking to my fellow students about sex. When I went on to graduate school, I began a more formal study of sexually transmitted diseases and reproductive health. As your Guide to Sexually Transmitted Diseases, I will use everything I have learned to help you improve your own health.
By Connie Matthiessen and Melanie Haiken
Don't let pregnancy put a damper on an intimate life with your partner. Many parents-to-be fear that intercourse could trigger a miscarriage or somehow harm the baby. But unless you have a high-risk pregnancy, you don't have to worry: Sex poses no danger to either the mother or the child.
To answer some questions you may be too embarrassed to ask, no, your partner's penis does not have any contact with the developing fetus, nor will bacteria or semen penetrate the uterus. Orgasms, with or without sexual penetration, can cause contractions, but they should not trigger premature birth or miscarriage during the course of a normal pregnancy. Your baby is well protected in the bath of amniotic fluid and by the insulation your abdomen provides.
What about sex during a high-risk pregnancy?
Some women do have high-risk pregnancies and are advised to abstain from sex for some or all of their pregnancy. Your physician or midwife should let you know if you fall into that category, but if you have any doubts or questions, don't hesitate to double check.
If you've had preterm labor or given birth preterm, if you have had an infection, bleeding, a broken or leaking amniotic sac, more than one miscarriage, or a condition known as low-lying placenta (placenta previa), you are likely to be advised to avoid or limit certain sexual activities. If your doctor knows you are carrying twins or multiples, he or she may advise you to stop having intercourse a few weeks earlier than if you were carrying a single baby.
Are some positions safer than others?
Talk with your practitioner about what sexual positions are safest as your pregnancy progresses. For example, after the fourth or fifth month, a pregnant woman shouldn't lie flat on her back during sex, because it could put too much pressure on major blood vessels that supply the fetus and may cause lightheadedness or nausea for the mother. There is no problem with the woman being on top of her partner, however, or on her side.
During different points in your pregnancy, you may find that some positions are more enjoyable than others are. Tune in to your body, and only do what feels comfortable.
Here are some positions that may feel more comfortable:
- Both lying sideways. Known as spooning when you both face the same way in bed, this position takes the weight off you and leaves your partner free to maneuver without your belly between you. You can also face each other lying sideways as well.
- Partner behind you. This position not only leaves your partner free to maneuver, but it takes the weight and pressure off you as well.
Common concerns about sex during pregnancy
Other issues besides the safety of the baby may keep a couple from having sex. Some parents worry about disturbing or scaring their unborn child, as if the developing baby is paying rapt attention during moments of intimacy. In reality, the baby isn't thinking about much and is safely insulated, so don't worry -- he won't be alarmed by your lovemaking.
An expectant mother may fear that her swelling belly makes her less attractive, or she may not want her husband to touch her tender breasts. Pregnancy hormones make some women lose interest in sex, while others may find that their sex drive increases. At different points in your pregnancy, extreme fatigue, nausea, and other discomforts may make the very thought of sex unappealing.
Concerns like these are common. Pregnancy is an exciting, frightening time that triggers a range of emotions, positive and negative -- emotions that are exacerbated by raging hormones. It is a time of fundamental change in the life you and your partner have known together. Of course, it is also a joyous time, but even positive changes can put pressure on a relationship. Most couples agree that having a child challenges their relationship in ways it has never been challenged before.
Is it normal to have cramps after having sex?
Yes, many women find they have cramps after sex, particularly after an intense orgasm. This is due to hormones in semen and contractions of pelvic muscles. Similarly, because the cervix is engorged and well-supplied with blood in pregnancy, you may see a spot or two of blood after having sex.
Any time you cramp and bleed call your practitioner -- though chances are your body just needs a bit of time to settle down. Also, it's common to notice your baby moving around more after intercourse.
Creating sexual intimacy during pregnancy
The best way for you and your partner to weather those changes and prepare for the challenges ahead is to stay in touch with each other, and one way to do that is to talk gently but honestly with one another about your love life.
If you have fears or insecurities, share them with your partner and ask about his. For example, if you are afraid that your changing body makes you less attractive, you may find it reassuring if your partner initiates sex. At the same time, he may be afraid that sex could be painful for you and feels he should wait for you to make the first move. The only way you will know is by talking frankly and openly together.
If your breasts are sensitive, tell your partner. Show him or her what feels good, and experiment with different positions. Be sure to check in with him about his needs and desires. If you don't feel like having intercourse, find other ways to maintain your physical connection. Foreplay, massage, and cuddling will help you stay close -- even if they don't progress to intercourse. Pregnancy can be an opportunity for both of you to get creative.
Above all, try to avoid seeing sex as a chore or allowing it to become a point of contention between you. Nurture the emotional and physical connection you have with your partner. Most couples resume having regular sex during the first year of their child's life.
Finally, do your best to put aside worries about your pregnancy so that you can participate fully in the wonderful experience of pregnancy with your partner. In the end, sexual intimacy can strengthen the bonds between you and your partner, which is one of the most important gifts you can give your unborn child.
References
March of Dimes. Sex During Pregnancy. March 2009http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/159_516.asp
Mayo Clinic. Sex during pregnancy: Whats OK Whats Not. June 12, 2010. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-during-pregnancy/HO00140
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Frequently Asked Questions About Having a Baby in the 21st Century. http://www.acog.org/from_home/publications/press_releases/nr12-12-01-4.cfm
Merck Manual. Placenta Previa. http://www.merck.com/mrkshared/mmanual/section18/chapter252/252f.jsp
Merck Manual. Physical Changes. http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec22/ch257/ch257d.html
University of California-San Francisco Medical Center. Sex During Pregnancy. http://www.ucsfhealth.org/childrens/medical_services/preg/care/pregSex.html
American Pregnancy Association. Bleeding During Pregnancy. May 2005. http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/bleedingduringpreg.html
University of Pennsylvania Health System. Sex During Pregnancy. http://www.pennhealth.com/obgyn/news/05spr/sex.html
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