Bumper Stickers

* FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

* I can't dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.

* What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

* Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?

* It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

* If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

* To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question.... ....or is it?

* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She gets mad if I interrupt her.

* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

* A closed mouth gathers no foot.

* What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

* Where there's smoke, there's dinner.

FUN THINGS TO DO DURING BORING SERMONS

~ Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.

~ See if a yawn really is contagious.

~ Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.

~ Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.

~ Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet.

Up in Smoke

"The tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell." (James 3:5-6)

Words. Use them right and they'll move mountains. Use them wrong and they can cause your entire life to go up in smoke.

"Now, Brother Copeland," you may say, "I find it hard to believe that major catastrophes can be caused by a few simple words. I just can't see the connection."

Look again at the phrase James used. "How great a matter a little fire kindleth!" Have you ever lit a few little pieces of kindling wood and set them in the fireplace beneath a stack of logs?

What happened?