Sex drive fades as family grows

By Miriam Stoppard

Dear Miriam,

My fourth child is due in five months. I enjoy being a mum but as the eldest is only six it can be hard work.

My sex life with my husband isn’t at all like it was at the start of our marriage.

I loved having sex with him and all our babies were planned, except this one.

Sex After Child Birth

Don't Start Too Soon

Remember that sexual activity should not be resumed until at least four weeks after giving birth. This applies whether you give birth vaginally or by C-section, because your body will need time to heal. Many ob/gyns will recommend waiting 4-6 weeks before having sex. This allows time for the cervix to close, postpartum bleeding to stop, and any tears or stitches to heal. If you have sex too soon you risk pain, soreness, and infection. If you decide to have sex during this period despite your doctor's warning, be sure to use a condom to reduce your chances of infection.

Once you get the green light from your doctor: you can have sex again. But while this news will make your partner a very happy man, you may be a bit worried about resuming your love life. Something very large came out of that area, and it was traumatic, even though the delivery brought the gift of your beautiful baby. You're worried about sex—worried it will be painful—worried you'll have no sex drive. The truth is, these are reasonable fears, but facing fears is the best way to conquer them. Let's take a look at the issues:

New Responses

*Sex will be different now. You will want to have gentle lovemaking sessions at first. It may take a few months for you to learn your new sexual responses: what feels good, what hurts. Be patient. You may also have concerns about your fit with your partner now that you've delivered a baby. It may feel different for your partner and for you, but in general, the body is designed to return to its pre-pregnant state. Be religious about doing your Kegel exercises. This will strengthen the muscles of your pelvic floor to help you regain that perfect fit.

Wired to Admire

Hard-wired into man's genetic code is a strong desire for beauty. But unrealistic expectations are short-circuiting God's design.

Let's face it, there's just something wired into the male psyche that causes the passionate admiration and pursuit of beauty.

Virtually every man has at least once in his lifetime fantasized about snagging the "perfect woman." And while any gathering of red-blooded males might stir up a healthy argument over which woman deserves the title, author and Christian "sexpert" Doug Rosenau says that most men have a hard time narrowing it down to one person.

"The confusion I see in guys is that they have about three or four different ideas of a perfect woman," Rosenau says. "They're confused as to which one is the one that they really would like."

How soon after a c-section can I have sex again?

Submitted by American Baby Team

Intercourse will be off limits for the first six weeks after you deliver (trust us, it'll be the last thing on your mind, anyway!), which gives your incision time to heal and your cervix time to close and return to normal. Once your doctor gives you the green light, know that your first time back in the saddle will actually be much more comfortable than it would have been after having a vaginal delivery.

Having a c-section should not affect your sex drive, but many new moms don’t feel like making love again right away -- and that's totally normal. For one thing, you're probably exhausted from your newborn's round-the-clock schedule. And the hormones you release while breastfeeding have also been known to temporarily lower libido, too.—Stacey Stapleton

Answered by American Baby Team

Was this Helpful? (7)

http://www.parents.com/advice/pregnancy-birth/my-pregnant-body/how-soon-after-a-c-section-can-i-have-sex-again/